Helping Kids Make Sense of Today’s News: Expert Advice from Dr. Irina Gorelik
Talking to kids about tough topics, whether it’s current events, the behavior of public figures, or how to handle their own feelings in uncertain times, can be tricky for parents. We spoke with Dr. Irina Gorelik, a Brooklyn-based licensed psychologist specializing in therapy for kids, teens, and families, who shared expert advice on approaching these conversations in a comforting and age-appropriate manner.
Dr. Gorelik shares tips on talking to kids about current events, handling tough behaviors from leaders, and ensuring kids feel safe and heard. Plus, she offers advice on teaching kids about kindness, respect, and critical thinking, skills that will help them navigate a world that can often feel divided.
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What’s the best way for parents to talk to their kids about current events in an age-appropriate way that helps them understand what’s happening but doesn’t overwhelm or scare them?
As parents, we often instinctively try to shield our children from the dangers of the world. However, it may be counterintuitive to completely avoid scary topics that children will likely learn about in other settings.
One idea that applies to this topic is that new information does not scare kids as much as uncertainty about how to process it, especially if they find out about it alone. When adults hear news or see something online about current events, they share a link with a loved one or friend or bring it up over a meal. Kids also need an outlet to process what they are learning and hearing.
For younger kids (toddlers to pre-schoolers), sharing details about the news or current events is unnecessary unless they impact the family or the home environment.
For example, suppose you, as a parent, find yourself feeling down or sad when reading the news. It is okay to say that you found out about something that made you sad (with some additional general details that also clarify that the event is not likely to impact the family directly) and then share something you do to help you when you feel sad, such as “Mommy is going to take a few big belly breaths. They usually help when I am sad.”
This goes hand in hand with the developmental stages of developing perspective-taking and emotion-identification skills within this age group.
Elementary school-aged children will likely hear about current events, so it is better that the information first come from you, the parent. It could be helpful to bring this up when talking to a child about their day in school and whether they heard anything about the particular event.
If they did, let them know that they can ask any questions they might have, even if they come up later. Hopefully, this will open the door to discussion, and the topic can be discussed at home. If the child did not hear about it, it can be helpful to focus concretely on what happened and the information that feels most relevant to help the child understand.
Emphasizing that the child and family will remain safe can be helpful in this discussion. It is also important to use real words in this conversation, such as “war,” “fires,” or “people got hurt,” because these words or phrases are likely to be repeated in other settings.
It is still suggested to avoid media with graphic images or videos and try to ensure that you are able to monitor the media that children have access to since graphic content can lead to anxiety symptoms/nightmares in kids, especially those who are more impressionable by what they see/hear.
How can you address the troubling behavior of leaders in power when they display actions, such as lying, bullying, or other negative behaviors, that you wouldn’t allow your children to engage in?
Observing leaders engage in concerning behaviors can be destabilizing, especially when wondering how to explain them to kids. One factor to consider is focusing on the locus of control—what is within our power to change and address, either politically or on a personal or family level?
This can mean talking about ways that kindness and acting in prosocial ways can help change the communities the child is involved in and, on a global scale, change the future of the world if others can take on similar values that the child is learning. When discussing leaders, engaging children in dialogue about voting, contacting local leaders, and ways that individuals can contribute to making a difference can be helpful.
It can also be worthwhile to discuss that just because individuals may be in powerful positions, they are not exempt from making mistakes. Engage your child’s critical thinking about right and wrong, what they think the leader should do differently, or what they would do/say instead.
What are good ways parents can stress kindness, respect, and understanding, especially when things are divided?
It could be helpful to show children examples of communities coming together to help each other in difficult times. For example, after the California fires, many communities donated money, food, and resources to those impacted and to the firefighters and other personnel on the front lines.
It could also be empowering to participate in activities with your child (if appropriate) that align with your family values and help communities you are involved in, such as volunteer opportunities or giving back to the less fortunate.
Kids are perceptive; even when you try hiding your worries, they can often sense when something’s off. So, how can parents help them handle any confusion or concerns they might have about what’s going on, especially when they see you feeling worried or upset (though you may try to hide it)?
Kids definitely are perceptive. Acknowledging when you are openly having strong emotions is important, but the approach to doing so may depend on the age of the child.
For younger kids, it is enough to acknowledge that you are feeling sad or angry about something you heard or read about and then mention what you will do to cope. It is important to reassure kids that you can still care for them and keep them safe even when you have strong feelings and that emotions always come and go (maybe even referencing a time the child felt a strong emotion that passed).
With older kids, acknowledging the emotion and the reasons can be more detailed and lead to discussions about the event. The discussion can also be clarifying and empowering as kids and parents brainstorm how to take action, such as deciding to donate to a cause or volunteer together, which can show kids that the home is an open space to discuss difficult topics and that they are not swept under the rug.
With so much news out there, how can parents help their children understand what they hear and ensure they get reliable information?
With so many sources of news, many adults also feel overwhelmed by the amount of information available and have difficulty discerning bias. For kids old enough to access the news independently, having conversations about what they see online is crucial.
In these discussions, it is essential to stay open to hearing about what they are learning and if these topics come up with their peers or teachers. Noting that it is also overwhelming for adults to see and access so much can hopefully create an opening to discuss taking breaks and setting boundaries with screens and media when warranted (and that such breaks and limits are not just intended for kids!).
It can also be helpful to discuss the topic of bias, especially with older kids (middle school and above) who are able to think more abstractly and critically before taking information at face value.
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